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ME--GAN
It happens at DWC that all Seniors live for better or for worse (God knows) in a separate building called ME-GAN hall which is a five-minute walk from the main building. Since I was an ESL student, I saw the suffering of four previous senior groups in that situation. Now that I am finally a senior, what can I do and how can I adapt my life?
It is hard to do anything about the question "What" since when I accepted my role here as a full-time student and "part-time" seminarian, I agreed to follow the tradition in this seminary; yet I do believe that I can do something about the "How." Since I happened to take philosophy as my major, I try to apply the concepts of life that I have learned in class to make sense of my own life, especially here in the "Middle of Nowhere."
The name of the building I am living in, ME - GAN Hall, has a meaning that took me two and a half months to figure out. Why do I type that name with a hyphen? Simply be cause the sound of the name helps me to see things, events, my material self, social self, spirit self, and pure ego (James 296) in the building in a new perspective in which I learn more about my-SELF, my relation with others, and my dependence on God.
The first sound of the name is ME, not you or any color patches walking around. The ME indicates the individual-myself, my total self. I, my-self, not just my empirical self which consists of my physical body, mental capacity, and emotional life, but also my Atman (a Hindu term meaning pure self or consciousness itself) lives here. Every time some body speaks about the building, the ME sound reminds me about
- my own body in which
- the more I eat the skinner I get,
- my soul or my consciousness in which
- the more I reflect
- the more I see others as color patches, and
- the more I see others as color patches, and
- my relation to God in which
- the more I meditate
- the more I accept His will … with my head!
That's enough for the ME. Now I'd like you to bear with me through some philosophical puzzling in Hinduism and Buddhism as I analyze the term "GAN." It is a simple abbreviation but confusing if you do not have some back ground in Asian philosophy with Dr. Ted Cruz. If, however, you are patient enough to read through the article, I am sure that you will reach the "Ka-boom" as Lam Pham firmly believes and assures us.
First, the "G" stands for "guru" (nothing to do with the kangaroo of senior Kha Nguyen) a Sikh word for a spir i tu al leader who eliminates the ignorance or darkness and helps to bring enlightenment to others (Smith 75). As one of the Seniors' goals this year, we try to live as models for other students or as "the night to the darkness" as sophomore Bao Than puts it. The seniors are leaders in the sense that we are in our last year of college and we have lived here long enough to see things as they are like the phenomenologists. None the less, I am not really sure about bringing enlightenment to oth er students. Definitely, I do not want to bring the night to the darkness and make it darker; rather I will try to help others to see the ME- the pure ME with all its ability and limitation in the community.
Secondly, the "A" stands for "asanas," a Hindu term for the balance between the discomfort of our physical body and the comfort in which we so deeply relax that we get bored and … uncomfortable (Carmody & Carmody 44). In order to be a leader/model for others, we try to balance our study, phys i cal exercise, and meditation so that we can lead our friends from Monday through Friday to the "N."
The "N" stands for "nirvana" also a Hindu term which indicates a stage in which all our tanha (desires) completely die out and in which we find a boundless life, the ultimate reality, the absolute truth, the supreme good, and the in com pre hen si ble peace for our SELF. In other words, nirvana is "incomprehensible, indescribable, inconceivable, un ut ter able" (Smith 113).
So what am I trying to do here? Certainly I do not want others to look at me like a fool while explaining nirvana. You either get it or not. It's an insight, an intuitive un der stand ing; you either feel it, or you don't (cool, huh!). You might not perceive it with five of your bodily senses; nev er the less you can use your other two extra senses to feel the nir va na. I mean common sense and non-sense.
One of the advantages of living in ME - GAN Hall is the walk back and forth every day from the main building. At least twice a day, you have to be there with nature, no matter whether
it snows or rains,
it's warm or cold,
you're full or starved,
energetic or exhausted.
Have you ever be out there (as Dasein- being there) in the middle of the night all by yourself? Try to walk slowly to get the feeling of being-there. The feeling is ineffable. Put aside your worrisome thoughts about assignments, papers, ap point ments or things you have to do tomorrow or next week. Let just be - there- with your all SELF, your atman. You can feel the
cool breeze of Epworth- fondling youthat knits your empirical and transcendental ego into the pure ME in which you can conceive the inconceivable- nirvana.
silence of the trees- surrounding you
solitude of the air- hugging you,
peaceful darkness- embracing you,
stars in the sky- gazing at you,
and
the brittle sound of the first snow
on every step you touch
on the white wooden bridge
In conclusion, living in ME - GAN hall gives me a new meaning of life. Sometimes it's really hard to describe to you in words, in a clumsy human language. You have to ex pe ri ence it for your-self; don't rely solely on my de scrip tion because my faker-istical language might confuse and mislead you. Life is dukkha/suffering according to Bud dhism. Hence, I hope that this little reflection may help you and me discover our SELF- the ME in the "Middle of Nowhere" by absorbing the meaning of the GAN- Guru, Asanas, and Nirvana so that not only for those living in ME - GAN hall but all of us can help each other to overcome the dukkha/suffering and attain nirvana with our atman. Through ME - GAN, wherein the differences between the East and the West are overcome, be assured that you and I will enrich our SELF, strengthen our relation with each other, and deepen our dependence on God.
Your dukkha-brother,
D.B. on Nov. 20, 1996
References:
Carmody, Denise L. and Carmody, John T. Eastern Ways to the Center. Second Edition. Wadsworth, 1992 James, William. Images of the Human. Loyola Press, 1995 Smith, Huston. The World's Religions, 1991
ME-GAN Part II. Sorry that I have to put the references here because deep in my pure consciousness I instinctively follow the form for guidelines which I learned from the Composition I & II classes. Besides many concepts of Russell, Husserl, Kant, Aquinas, Heidegger, and Hume, some ideas, also, I took from the work of White Wooden titled Fakerism: Making Sense Out Of the Non-Sense.
Furthermore, I do not mean to exclude other readers who are not from my school while using philo soph i cal and emotive language. My suggestion is, like the phenomenologists, let the essay reveal itself to you;(it's fatal to apply that in class though; when your professor asks you to revise a paper when he/she doesn't get the point, you say to him/her "Let my paper reveal itself to you.") Please do not try to make sense out of the article by your own reasons or belief; just open your selves, be vul ner a ble to let the article absorb and transcend you.
I am in debt of:
Dr. Taylor who gave me the ability to write this
ar ti cle through her Creative Writing class;
Dr. Cruz, my professor and "spiritual directee", who opened to me the door of Asian philosophy understanding;
Dr. Savarino who kindly and patiently bore with me the "dukkha/suffering" in Human Nature and 20th Cen tu ry philosophy classes;
Sr. Sedgwick who helped me to enhance my yoga-meditation in which I find my-SELF as anatta/no self;
Fr. Anich, my dukkha-formator who allowed me to have a snack-qua-snack every night in order for me to have asanas/balance and enough energy to go to bed;
And last but not least,
My friends here at DWC, regardless of nationalities, who gave me the opportunity to be a model part-time seminarian.